The blog They Daily Post challenged us to write about our fears. They asked “What are you scared of? Address one of your worst fears.” Well… I didn’t matter, but when you are really in the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, it does matter:
The fact is that every woman has had men inside her glory before I arrived in her sweet presence. It had no bearing on my love life or mental health. I have been licking on and been praised and felt good. I thought I knew enough about womens anatomy. I have never forgotten to give a woman her o. with tongue and lips, if I ended up in such a situation. It didn’t matter if I got my o. or not, and I have been proud that I never have made a woman disappointed by forgetting her needs.
No mystery at all, despite the fact that almost no anatomy books explain how widespread this c plant is. And during the process I could check if her o. was real or faked with the thumb pressed against her perineum or with my hand on her belly. Since I was 21 no woman has been forced to fake anything with me. And that has given me a great feeling of safety. Who wants to be a bad lover??
But I discovered I was wrong, so wrong.
In autumn 2013 I felt in love for real, rather late in life. The great Love of my life. She. She. She. The only woman existing for me on this planet.
But at the same time, it dawned on me that the thing the named G-spot is not a myth. This thing inside the tunnel exists for real!
You should never talk about earlier relationships, but we did. I began, but gently, of course, tell her a little about my past relationships. I had in fact read somewhere that a man is more attractive to a woman if it seems as if other women also are interested in him. Or have been. She wants to feel that she has beaten the other women or something. Maybe these advices I find on the Net or in newspapers are only bullshit. But I don’t know.
Then she told me a little about her earlier relationships. Last time was her first ever one nigh stand. The man had courted her at a club. Then “the passion swept away both of them” she told me. “How?” I wondered then. Well, he had slipped into her without any foreplay was needed. It had taken 20 minutes for him to come. During that time she had two vaginal O’s.
This was not what I wanted to know. This is to establish a completely wrong mental image in my head, and I was the first man she claimed she really love. Why did she tell me this? Why? Especially since our first attempts to make love had failed in one or another way. She didn’t show any passion for me. I was already frustrated and disappointed in myself. This knowledge surely made it worse.
Now I sit all nights studying the G-spot on the Internet. Because she told me that temporary relations with men have given her the big O. She talked quite a lot about it actually. This pinched the dread fear inside me, the daymare which had been waiting my whole life for an opportunity to hit me.
I am her great love of life, I, and she did not love these men. So she says. So what if she does not get the big O with me who she loves? While she got it during a one night stand?
The phenomenon mental images about your womans past sex life obviously happens to other men too. A 30 year old man writes om a psychological forum:
I am a 30 year-old male. I am in a relationship with a younger woman, aged 23. Recently, I have become fixated on her past sex life. (…) Once these [mental] images pop into my head, they are followed by feelings of anxiety and then avoidance. A cycle begins where the images reoccur shortly after I shut them out of my mind. I can spend an hour walking around my house, trying to cease it (…) I feel like abandoning the relationship altogether because of her perceived promiscuity. I often want to move to a large city where my partner’s past is hidden, or find a woman less experienced. Though experience has nothing to do with it. This has been happening since my earliest relationships – regardless if I’m less or more experienced. Moreover, I’m not prudish about my own sex life. I don’t feel that others should be either. But these images and feelings persist.
I dare not be close to her. I dare not touch her before I know everything about this G-spot.
I must know the exact position and the right motions to give her the biggest O ever with me, the man she has the greatest love ever for. Big love should give big Os, but I know it is not that easy. I am afraid to lose her if I do not succeed.
Life has become a hell, A scary place. Already one year ago I felt I could die for her. She is so beautiful, nice, smart, funny, and I adore her. I am proud over her. I am afraid of her. I am no longer sleeping or eating. I will die, because I am a looser and bad lover who will loose this G-spot race.
A ridiculous and unnecessary death.
Because this is a quite common problem. A site writes about these Emotions You Feel When You Discover Your Partner’s Sexual Past:
In effect, you just found out that your girlfriend (or boyfriend) is less yours. They physically have already given a big piece of themselves to somebody else (…) They’ve done things with somebody else that they’re not doing with you, and that stings like hell. Somebody else got to experience more of your partner than you can. You wish you could have been that other person…you wish you could have had that experience. You can’t stand the idea of your partner experiencing all those things with some other person..
Do they still think of their ex? Are they satisfied with you? Won’t they be thinking of all their past encounters while they’re with you? What if you don’t stack up? What if you get married and you still can’t overcome what he felt with his ex? What if she is thinking about sex with her other partners more than she thinks about sex with you? What if his ex was more experienced and made him feel better than you can? What if he’ll never commit to you physically because you’re new at this unlike his more experienced exes?
How to get over it
Your imagination is your own worst enemy here. In your mind, your partner’s past is the most painful and insecurity-inducing version you can picture. But the reality is often much more boring than that. As crazy as it sounds, sometimes it helps to meet their exes. There’s a reason why they’re with you not and not with the ex, and you can often see that reason much more clearly when you meet the ex.
(…) Also, focus on being really, really good at all the things you do with your partner, both physically and otherwise. Make it your mission in life to rock their world in all the ways that you can. Sex is like driving in that everybody things they’re good at it automatically. Use that to your advantage. Actually put thought and effort into learning how to be good, and you’ll likely surpass most of their exes easily. More importantly, you’ll be boosting your own sense of self-efficacy along the way (you’ll prove to yourself that you can get better and make them increasingly happy).